I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
