After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
