Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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