apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We need to get me chipped asap
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
