I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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