i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
time to smoke my breakfast
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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