I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
