is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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