I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
