There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
