Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
