Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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