To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
