The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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