I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
