1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
