Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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