i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
