my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
