I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
