I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
