Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
