I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
