They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
