I skipped work to stalk him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
