genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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