I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
