I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
being pregnant is like rehab
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
