The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
