apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
