my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
