well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This house was built for laser tag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
