just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
