she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's the barista slut.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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