alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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