Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
