I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
