So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
