Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
