i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
