is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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