We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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