That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
