My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
