If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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