just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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