is your mom at the bar?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
