I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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