i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
