We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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